You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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