i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
