Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The ass gains better be worth it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
