So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
