hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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