She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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