so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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