Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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