Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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