Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
