Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
