batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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