She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
