I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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