I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
