I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
