The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
