Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
