I could make wine with my vomit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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