Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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