I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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