My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
