whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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