i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
