it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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