After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
