you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
