I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
