I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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