I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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