I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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