Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
