I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
