I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
