You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
