were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
