I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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