Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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