You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
