im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I only lived at night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
don't judge my taste in strippers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
