my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
