I smell stomach acid.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
