She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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