i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
