ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
