To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
