So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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