I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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