I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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