If that was your dad, he is hot
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
