if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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