I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
